Comment on 2/13/09, and response

Sally wrote on Feb 20, 2009 1:17 PM:
"I would expect this sentiment from a man. There certainly must be a reason.... And really, red roses and a romantic fancy dinner...a tired routine? You confuse routine with tradition. Do you also resent birthday cakes, corned beef and green beer on March 17, pumpkins at Halloween and on and on? Sorry that you feel so left out."

*****

I'm actually laughing out loud at this comment -- thanks, Sally, though I don't think you intended it to be funny.

I'm amused that expecting this sentiment from a man appears to be a criticism. Are men supposed to be less evolved than women in the way they approach Valentine's Day?

I agree that the stereotype is that men don't know romance. But I haven't found a lot of evidence for this being the case, at least not in my experience, and not compared to the women I know.

The red roses and romantic dinner being called "a tired routine" was partly a joke -- which I thought would become clear when I mentioned the marriage proposal as part of that "tired routine" (as though a marriage proposal would be a yearly occurrence). But I do think that a lot of the V-Day routines we've come to expect are, well, expected. And for my money, I'd rather have something more personal and thoughtful than that.

I don't really like cake, whether it's my birthday or not; I like corned beef, but don't drink, so green beer is out; I do like pumpkins, but not so much to carve as to boil and eat.

I'd prefer something else on those occasions, related to me rather than blind adherence to tradition. That's pretty much my point in the Valentine's Day column, as it was my point in the anti-Mother's-Day column I wrote last year -- not that we shouldn't have traditions, or that we shouldn't celebrate these things, like moms, or romantic love, but that we should be thoughtful about them.

I don't feel left out, though, Sally, and I don't resent Valentine's Day for any of the reasons you're probably supposing. (You seem to imply, along with the idea that I don't have the "womanly virtues" of caring about tradition or romance, that I may be bitter or lonely in being "left out." I'm actually neither one...and yet I hold my opinions, anyway.)

And I don't have anything against the traditions people love: I'm glad you enjoy red roses and dinners out, and I hope you had a great Valentine's Day that included both.

That's why I said in my column, "if, like me" -- you and I are just different, and we can both exist and do things our own ways, happily. Without being "men" and without resentment.

For my part, I had a pretty great time with my horror movie marathon.

Thanks for commenting, Sally.