5/16/08: Needed: Whimsical, less dutiful, holidays

I am anti-Mother’s Day.

Mother’s Day isn’t the only holiday I’m against. Father’s Day and Valentine’s Day are just as useless.

Normally what would follow this announcement is a polemic on how mothers, fathers and lovers should always be valued and honored; they shouldn’t need special days for us to show them we care. Every day should be Mother’s Day and Father’s Day and Valentine’s Day.

I actually think Mother’s Day should be abolished — and here’s why.

We should, of course, be mindful of each other, and several civic holidays remind us of those we might not normally think about: Veterans Day and Presidents Day, for instance, are set aside for the sake of those in the armed services or history to whom we owe a national debt. Obviously, mothers, fathers and significant others contribute to society, too, but the situation is different. We don’t need reminders to focus on them. They are around us, or else conspicuously absent, on a daily basis.

Their holidays’ celebrations reflect this. We don’t play taps, salute the flag or even take off work for Mother’s, Father’s or Valentine’s Day. We buy things instead. Moms get flowers or dinner out. Dads get neckties. Sweethearts get candy and to see each other dressed to the nines. We purchase, plan and prepare these gifts outside of work and outside of our roles as citizens — as we should. Personal relationships deserve personal recognition, not national attention.

Imagine a nationally choreographed celebration of Mother’s Day. The president might give a speech to a stadium full of people, probably mostly moms. The most-honored mothers, chosen for their fortitude and motherly acumen, may flank the president and select members of the Senate. The echo would reverberate through the stadium, making the speaker’s words difficult to hear, but the crowd would stand and cheer at every instance of the word “mother,” anyway.

Imagine how inappropriate it would be, in other words, to celebrate our moms the way we celebrate a political event or a civic remembrance of national heroes.

We honor each other in personal ways, daily. We kiss, hug, comfort, listen. We accommodate each other, make concessions, compromise. We trade our fantastic dreams of who we would or could be for the more mundane realities of dealing with other people — in families, at work, in the elevator or in line at the grocery store. We dutifully offer gifts to each other on appropriate occasions.

There’s nothing wrong with doing one’s duty. But Mother’s, Father’s and Valentine’s days, being expected and therefore obligatory, have become dutiful remembrances of dutiful people, a la Veteran’s Day or Memorial Day.

I propose we head in the opposite direction.

We need more whimsical holidays. I understand that whimsy is impossible to legislate — I don’t have any delusions of creating national policy — but I propose that we jettison Mother’s, Father’s and Valentine’s Days for a sense of wonder and glee. We could give the new holiday a name, if that would help. I might call mine Surprise Day.

On Surprise Day, which will fall on whatever day it seems most needed, I plan on devoting myself to generous and genuine giving, of all of those intangible indicators of affection that elude Hallmark no matter how “sincere” the card or odoriferous the candle. These are the things I wish to be mindful of — and apply to whomever needs them.

That’s mine. Now your turn: Here’s your chance to think outside the gift box. Let me know what you come up with.